Monday, December 12, 2016

The Gospel of The Unbothered


It has been along and eventful four months, y'all.

Several eras have ended and trials hung. The world as we know it is on the verge of anarchy or renaissaince, depending on whom you converse with. Seven years is a mighty long time to have come around to the spot where I now find myself.

Much can be said about the meme above that a Facebook friend so lovingly fashioned from a photo my cousin so artfully took of me. Some sayings that come to mind are: "No me molesta", #worryaboutyoself, "Next".

I'll tell you this: I said at the beginning of 2016 that it would be a #yearoftravel, and that I would not see the year end in my current field of work. Done and done.

 I am proud to say that last Wednesday was my final day at my place of employment for the past three years. I learned a lot at that job: how (and when) to ask for what I want without fear, because I know how valuable I am and what I deserve; how to make managerial procedures for those that will come after me (basically leave things better than I met them); how to be assertive in the face of micromanagement; how to deliver for clients with my head held high, with confident resolve twinkling in my eye; how to know when it is time to have difficult talks; how to be patient. Oh, Goddess, how to be patient!

I left friends there, people I intend to keep in contact with and meet again in a more relaxed and honest environment. I don't like to burn bridges, and understand the supreme value of making and maintaining connections.

Regardless of what specific events capitalutated me to the decision I made to leave, the general idea I had upon entering my last job was that it would be temporary, not a career, but a goal post of sorts. Life always has other plans for us, of course, and every now and then requires us to be honest and self-reflective about the choice we have and will make, especially as it pertains directly to our well-being, mental, physical and economic futures. Its that "adulting" thing that keeps popping up in various forms.

To recap a bit:
1- I went to my first Caribbean island (for more than a layover transfer) in January, even survived being stranded an extra two days with my sister, and learned the value, generosity, and resourcefulness of the #familybychoice Tribe. Thank you Nomadness! Thank you bestie!
2- I won tickets through application for and in support of She's Wanderful, making it for the second year in a row to the WITS (Women In Travel) 2016 conference in Irvine, California in March. I figured out how to get around in a vast and convoluted (read: Not pedestrian-friendly) set of transportation systems between Los Angeles and that city, meeting some great ladies via carpool. I made the commitment then and there to make sure that I can stay involved with this group, and will be going to the WITS 2017 conference in Milwaukee, whatever it takes.
3- Through friendship and targeted determination, I placed myself in the midst of a destination wedding (my first ever) with a group of flight attendants in Antigua, Guatemala in April. We shared lovely rooms at a villa, swatted mosquitoes, bartered with colorfully dressed women in the town square, shared meals and witnessed love amid ancient ruins. We also climbed a live volcano that last erupted in 2014. I have never felt so welcome amongst a group of virtual strangers that I still connect to months later!
4- July was a brief yet satisfying jaunt up north to Montreal, to see my cousin and her growing family, to ride the city on its superb bicycle lanes, zone out in a Scandinavian Spa, and to take in some jazz music at the annual festival. I also scored a flight voucher for a return visit, through fortuitous circumstances (getting really good at this travel game).
5- I started delving into my music and singing project that has long been ignored, being more acclimated to raising my voice in the bowels of the New York City subway, and open to connecting with people that want to collaborate, and create. I'm that much closer to having a finished piece that I composed, arranged, wrote and sang myself!
6- I let myself say yes more. I was more open to crazy possibilities, and am currently reaping the rewards of that courage and resolve. Thank you, Kenna for the influence of #YearofYesManifest, and Catrice for being a consistent guiding light in unleashing my own significance!
7- I refuse to let other people put the fear of the unknown in front of my dreams any more. This has come from well-meaning friends, relatives, even people I've just been introduced to who have their set opinions wrapped around them in a comfortable cloak of authority and experience with the familiar. They don't live my life. They have not made my sacrifices and deferrals, and they won't have to face the consequences of regret. #worryaboutyourself.

The point of all this is to say that as many things that have gone wrong this year, that I, myself and so many others would love to press a "redo" button, or black out this whole year from their personal history accounts, I have much to be thankful for and excited about.

I am reaching out into unknown territory, and finding my voice is not as rusty as I thought, my wit is still sharp and focused, my resolve, thought latent for so long, is as stubborn as ever. My imagination and creative spirit has not deserted me under fluorescent lighting. I can still run and lift weights with my back and hips the way they are, and I still got the rhythm of my ancestors (20% Dahomey, #blackamazonian, indeed!).

I am #unbothered and I am #seldom_settled. Bring it, 2017!

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

In The Heat Of The Moment: Anniversary Post

So today marks my 26th year as a diarist/chronic writer, what-have-you. I blame/credit Harriet The Spy, Judy Blume, The Baby-Sitter's Club, and even Anne Frank (may her soul rest in power). So began my journey into the world of private thoughts becoming public. I was ahead of the curve, as were many eight-year-old girls; waaaaay before Twitter or Facebook or Instagram, it was the black and white Composition Notebook and a school assignment that got me hip to the game!

Being a writer of thoughts, a learner of words and a contributor to languages is a great honor and privilege that I am grateful has never left me. I've had some serious writer's block and several moments of doubt and indecisiveness, but I feel blessed to have reached this point, really.

I am excited about where this development will take me, because so far I've been to Australia, Switzerland, Guatemala, California, The South American Jungle (and River Systems), and even survived countless Greyhound rides, lol! My #2016yearoftravel is far from over, and I will certainly continue to take you all with me, beyond this year!

So this August, I've decided, rather suddenly, to reward others for their support and commitment as my readers, my friends, and my present and future collaborators. Quizzes and gifts are in order, so stay tuned and keep reading!

I've done a few things I'd consider "big", but bigger and better is coming. Smarter and more focused is in the works. Unapologetic is already here.

Happy Anniversary to me (and to You)!
#singteachwritefly

Monday, June 20, 2016

Riding the Metal Horse: When to Cede Territory... and Why Not

This is the last full workday before Summer officially starts (at 6:34 p.m.). In New York City, every seasoned traveler and resident knows that as soon as the temperature climbs past 75 degrees consistently, all the ignorance and "lawlessness" exponentially increases. This will happen on your block, in your apartment building, on the subway platforms, and very likely in the trains and buses we all have to ride to get around. That is a lot of extra pressure and exposure to potential trauma and anxiety as an often Lone Woman Traveler.

I don't do Public Service Announcements (PSAs) often on my blog. They find themselves here incidentally, and usually for good reason. My fifth blog post ever during the Summer of 2011 could be considered a PSA, on a similar topic: public harassment. Imagine the irony of deciding to dress somewhat revealingly; getting on a bus AND train for an hour and a half to participate in a celebration of summer, weirdness, creativity, pride and magic with other like-minded people one day- with no fear or trepidation of the public- then having to experience a degrading and isolating incident using the same transportation system 24 hours later, fully dressed, with witnesses that did nothing?!

Let me be clear, this post is not aimed at the people who did not speak up or intervene or my or my fellow black female passengers' behalf. The fact that no one did anything does help to illustrate the event that took place, however. The main message (or moral) of this story is the importance of being aware, resilient, and proactive in order to have the best possible agency in how we interact with our environment. None of us can control every aspect of our days, and we certainly cannot hope to always control and police others.

As much as I want to believe that law enforcement is present and willing to serve and protect all of its citizens, they are often spread thin, and their priorities do not line up with mine. Autonomy and agency are real, however, and one of the benefits of Social Media is the agency it gives everyday citizens to be responsible, be decent, be advocates for themselves as well as fellow strangers, in real time or faster than the systems in place provide.

Word-for-word, here goes...

On Sunday, June 19, 2016 approximately 3:15 p.m.: 
I don't normally cuss on my own timeline. But shit just got really real thirty minutes ago. I am on the A train heading north from Brooklyn. There is a moderate amount of people on the train, and I am sitting in the corner next to a door in a 3-seater. 

I have my headphones in and my shades on. But I can hear enough to know that there is a man with a booming voice panhandling and making his way through the semi-crowded train to the end where I am. Nbd. But when he gets to the last set of doors where I am, he stops and mumbles loudly, the decides to stand at the pole less than three feet from me, and start fondling his junk. He has a smell that is not powerful enough to make me leave, but enough to concern me about his sobriety. Not swaying or raving, mostly quiet, except for this pronounced personal hand job. 

He leans back against the doors across from me and stares hard in my direction, where three other black women are sitting, one black man with his sleeping son, and another man. I have been fanning myself and looking just past his probing eyes for the past ten minutes of this, even though my insides are starting to shake. 

Then he decides to sit down directly across from me. Nbd. Maybe he's done showing off and is gonna be civil. He then tries to engage the woman sitting in the 3-seater two seats down from him, his manspreading so pronounced that no one would be encouraged to sit between them. She has her headphones on, and closes her eyes, but every few seconds, she opens them again and sneaks a side eye to her right, where his eyes meet her every time he's not staring one of us down. Then he starts licking his lips really slow. 

And when the train stops, he gets up and walks over to the other two women seated next to me and swings his arms right inches from their faces. I know he's trying to engage them by asking for money. I hear no response back, so I believe they just shook their heads. 

The tension was painful. I was starting to hyperventilate quietly, which is humanly impossible when you are holding your breath. 

I could have gotten up and moved to another place, and after he finally left, the other women and I commiserated about thinking the exact same thing. We would have signaled each other to move as one unit. Even calling out to our newfound "girlfriend", so as to not leave anyone behind. My hands shake as I write this because the reality of how we were all feeling the same chill on our skin, the same adrenaline rush when he got off the train, but STAYED ON THE PLATFORM as train delays stalled us... 

The doors closed. He was saying, "... I was just kidding you're so beautiful" and I can see him. SEE HIM finishing off what he started in his pants when he was on the train. 

Now he's pressed up against the glass. Staring at us, and this damn train will not leave. I started praying that the door would not reopen for an approaching train.... 

THIS is when thoughts go through ones head about that knife someone suggested I carry. 

THIS is when I reevaluate the relevance of my outfit, the time of day (3:19pm), the relative crowd (mostly non-black, except for our "happy little corner", and realize that it didn't matter. If this 6'9" 270lb man wanted to snatch that woman by her hair, it could have happened in an instant, even as we all unfroze ourselves and tried to vacate the area. 

It was not (yesterday's) Mermaid Parade, everyone had their clothes on. 

Other MEN were sitting diagonally across and laughed at his antics until he started masturbating, then they got quiet and looked away. IT DID NOT MATTER. I should not have to fear for myself nor my fellow female passengers on the train. I should not have to breathe slowly to stop what I feel is tachycardia and miss an event I'm looking forward to because I have to process what ‪#‎dafuq‬ just happened, but here I am. 

I'm replaying thoughts of violence, what he might have done next, what I, or we would have done. A sisterhood did form then. I got one of their numbers, and we are both sharing this on social media. It just reminds me again about being vigilant, alert, considerate, and willing to take someone with me to safety, or so help me, out as I'm going down. *EndRant ‪#‎subway‬ ‪#‎assault‬ ‪#‎liftup‬ ‪#‎seldom_settled‬

Street harassment is real and should not be tolerated. Public transit harassment is real and should not be tolerated. Sometimes getting up and walking away is not the solution. Wearing more clothes is not always the remedy or prevention that saves individuals or groups of women from attacks in public.



I'm not saying we should all try to be the hero and fall on swords to vanquish on behalf of ladies in distress. But we can be a Shero (as I align myself with this gender-inclusive definition), and not leave any woman to fend for herself whilst she decides to autonomously stand her ground and claim her rightful space. Stand up, or sit down. Do not cede territory.

There is strength in numbers, there is safety when more eyes are watching, but also when more hands are willing and able, when voices are raised in a common sense of decency and support. When the mindsets are aligned, quietly, but with enough will that lends a palpable resistance to the tension when riding the Metal Horse. A Lone Woman need not always feel Alone. #facts



P.S.: This is MY space, so no, you will not see the picture that I took of the offending party here. But rest assured, the police will. #hollaback will.

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Will Travel 4 Books: Origin Story


I love books and I love to read. Anyone that knows me knows this, but perhaps not to what degree this fact resonates. In November of 2015, I began manifesting what would ultimately become my #2016yearoftravel endeavor. Truth be told, a lot of reading was involved as well: Travel+Leisure magazine; my whole swag bag from the January New York Times Travel Show; and several blogs and newspaper articles highlighting all the places one may want to go, and the smartest ways to take advantage. It has been a process that included learning the best times to book a flight; the fine art of stalking a myriad of travel and airline websites; and an overall loosening up of my understanding of where I can travel, and when.



 I've been surrounding myself with super-savvy, quirky and well-travelled men and women who are doing what I want to do and have gone where I intend to go. I have to play it smart, because, until further notice, I have TEN vacation days to spend. Ten.

To briefly reminisce on my lightbulb moment, last year I finally said to myself, "Hey, I can do this!" leveraging the swiftness of my typing skills against an ambitious 2-day JetBlue Halloween flight sale. Sure enough, I found my inspiration earlier when someone in the Nomadness Travel Tribe posted about the Stony Island Arts Bank, a reclaimed building bought for $1 by an enterprising Black artist, Theaster Gates. Yes, bought for a song to preserve the architecture and history of the facility, now serving to house and promote the words and study of several thousand authors and topics of The African Diaspora. I had to go, and JetBlue was making it a $31 one-way special!











It had been a long time since I travelled for books. Fourteen years ago, my academic and adventurous spirit took me to Australia for a semester. Being an opportunistic lass, I tacked on an extra three days outbound and on the return, to get a little taste of the West Coast. I visited the UCLA campus during their annual book fair and had the pleasure of meeting science fiction author Ray Bradbury on the very campus where he wrote Fahrenheit 451 in Powell Library. Many truths converged at that time: 1- I knew that I would travel for books again; 2- there were authors that I wanted to meet before they left this earth, and, most importantly, 3- I would see the creation of a mobile library among my personal and professional achievements. I brought back books from Australia. On the plane. as extra weight. This is serious for me!





My collection of books is beyond logic. They have survived several moves across three New York City boroughs (no small feat!), and even four years out in the salty sandy Southampton town. Some are older than me, and hail from the United Kingdom, France and parts of the Caribbean. 

The travel guidebook collection began when I was a teenager and visited Tower Records in Union Square. I was happiest there, reveling in the access to listening stations for every genre of music I cared to indulge in, steps away from their eclectic mix of reading material. Almost inexplicably, there were the travel guidebooks, allowing me a very tangible first experience to other cultures, steps away from the World music section! I could cross-reference my Putumayo with my Rough Guide, almost like an audio passport, a currency easily stackable in my growing library, as well. 
One other mesmerizing trait of travel books is their ability to capture a part of the world at a specific point in time. One can ready any work of literature from around the world to catch a glimpse of the times the author lived in, but a travel guide speaks just as directly in its cataloging of what to see and do in a particular place. They may even expound upon the whys of travel, if they are really caring of their audience (those of us that read beyond the words to what is not being said have even more context for consideration). The famous Negro Motorist Green Book published from 1936-1966 gained its readership in publicizing not only safe routes for the intrepid African American traveler, but also establishments that were likely to cater to him or her in business on the road, lodging, dining,  and entertainment.

I got out there because of books, reading, and ultimately putting my own pen to paper and finger to keyboard. It started when I was three years old, and I still have a lovingly preserved yellowed dot-matrix printout of my first tale to prove it. 

À la LeVar Burton via Reading Rainbow, I offer another seminal work credited with the development of my adventurous reading and traveling spirit: Black Girl in Paris by Shay YoungbloodI stumbled into this novel as a young college student either on my way to or returning back from Australia, and the timing was ideal. She was a fish out of water in mid-1980s Paris. American Black female, artsy and alone. I was able to dream and see myself taking on the scary and oftentimes dubious mission of doing my version of discovery through travel several times over, each new location and circumstance rendering an authentic epiphany in the process. 

Books and writing are intrinsically linked for me, and the sharing of literature that motivates a girl to see beyond her perceived borders would well justify the quirkiness I've fostered for over 30 years. Stay tuned for the next chapter! #willtravel4books




Note: This post is dedicated to the wondrous memory of our soon-departed P.S. Bookshop in Dumbo, Brooklyn. Thank you, I love you, we all love you!

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Reflection Piece: Confidence

Funny story, I was recently talking with my sister about a joint venture that involved an upcoming singing audition. We were trying to identify some good songs to sing that would showcase our full range of vocals, from Soprano to Alto, respectively. 

We found ourselves searching out the group we were auditioning for and seeing what they had to offer, just to gauge where we fit in with the group dynamic Our impression of the vocals was a bit shocked: by comparison to our own perceived talents, they seemed less than expected for a group that has a website, accolades attached to their individual profiles, and yet they obviously have more public exposure than either of us. The conclusion was that confidence is a major asset and inspiration. I could choose to be negative and down-talking about this group, but instead, I choose to see an opportunity where I can add my own talent and spirit to help them soar if my audition is a success. Maybe we are a good fit, maybe not. I won't let it make or break me. 

Now, full disclosure, in the past two weeks I'd taken to singing songs from my old iPod Nano in various subway stations. This was partly to blow off steam from work, and also maybe not a little bit of vocal daydreaming about "being discovered". A passive approach, I admit, but it's complicated. I cannot help it: the need for an outlet that is free, raw, random, and immediately gives me feedback makes subway platforms ideal. Never mind that by the time I wait for the perfect interval between train arrivals, I've used three hours of my life after a long eight-hour shift. I feel like I accomplished something. One guy even pressed a $5 bill into my hand before escaping onto the departing train before I could protest.... so now I'm a busker (?). I could not believe the Lincoln in my hand.

I have no qualms about getting on a plane and flying across the country or the world. I would promote anyone getting out of their neighborhood and going somewhere new, for any amount of time! But my own confidence has had its highs and lows. Like many young women, the low moments threaten to derail a lot of my ambition to seek out opportunities, sing out loud, and even plan the next adventure. It's times like these that I take a step back and do a reflection piece, re-visit the resume, organize another mission statement, or talk with a friend with similar achievement goals.

The bottom line is, perhaps now is the time to seriously consider a more practical and focused plan of action to get over my singing ambivalence. Here's a door that I haven't quite knocked on in a while, and I have a feeling that it might take me on yet another exciting journey.


It's true, I prefer to be behind the camera, to write about others, but with this blog, I find that my face, words and voice has developed. Besides the will to travel, to move, and explore other ends of the earth, it's obvious to me (and my growing transit audience, video yet to be released!) that I need/want to raise my voice and have others enjoy it. I share with you, my readers, to encourage anyone that may feel they aren't at that point in their lives yet to break free of a monotonous pattern, or who may want to see something they can identify with doing, or go beyond their own personal borders in thought or place. 
#notetoself
#singteachwritefly














Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Directions for a South American Girl: Northeastern Seaboard, West Coast Shenanigans!

Hey Ladies (and receptive Gents), a little call and response, if you please: can your life change for the better in five days? (YES, constellations and caverns, YES!)

Why the exclamations? Because I've been basking in the glow and delving in the deep thinking about WITS16. Hotel Irvine is a beautiful citrus oasis of a hotel, amenities abounding in scents, eats, and the sensory delights of an outdoor pool, hot tub and fire pit. This alone made the trip worthwhile, and I very much appreciated my vitamin D boost, compared to the New York weather I left behind.

As I relived the lessons learned that sun-drenched weekend in California, Dr. Seuss' Oh, The Places You'll Go! popped back up in my memory. I realized that my childhood joy for going out yonder (back then, mostly by Greyhound Bus) has not been snuffed out by all the adulting I've been doing for the past 25 years.

In fact, in many ways my most recent journey was a full spiral revolution from travels as my earlier young adult self, going west on my own for the first time, before an even further flight to the other end of this earth. It had been 14 years since I saw California, the Pacific Ocean, the smog, the street art, the seashells of  that sunnier edge. The truth of the matter is that as hesitantly as I've waded into these waters, I am ready to fully accept that I am a writer, a BLOGGER, I met my people at WITS, and I am ready to dive into this supportive and adventurous community!

I was determined to get to WITS16 this year, after having such an eye-opening experience last year in Boston. I also knew that my budget was rather tight and I would have to flex my solo traveler muscles...using public transportation in SoCal! Suffice it to say, after posing several versions of this predicament in my Facebook travel groups, the feedback was unanimous that Los Angeles and Irvine were not known for having a smooth transit system. It was not impossible, but it would take ingenuity, careful time considerations and the kindness of strangers.

Cue the dramatic interlude, a la A Streetcar Named Desire:




So, yes, I pulled up several internet tabs cross-referencing Google Maps, all of the Los Angeles County public transportation information sources, plus Travelmath (which failed to include all of the train and rail options, ahem!) to figure out how I was going to get to the conference every day from L.A. to Irvine (separate systems, separate bus and train fares). My backup plan, however, was more ambitious: make friends on Facebook and Twitter and create authentic connections to people that were already driving to the conference. I will tell you that this strategy was very valuable, as it got folks engaged in my journey "on foot", and provided a support system of advice on how to get around, and what other people were doing outside of the scheduled events. The best of both worlds was finding fellow attendees to commiserate with, swap stories and network for future collaborations!

Wheeling and Dealing...

That Uber ride from LAX to Irvine was everything. I stayed close to and swapped contact information with dynamic women all weekend, starting with that first cab ride.

From day one, I mustered up my nerve and stepped forward at the Networking Without Pants (don't ask me, I didn't come up with it) meet and greet, where all the ladies in the house had a chance walk up to the stage to answer three questions:
1-What do I want to learn?
2- What can I give/offer?
3- Who do I want to meet?

I know that I want to streamline by brand, my public image, and identify and tailor to my audience (you!). I can offer guest posts on several topics that I tend to focus on, including: foodie; gardening and travel-related adventures in nature; sustainable fashion; and, most importantly, spotlight articles on interesting and pioneering women. I know that I offer a unique perspective on life in the U.S. of A, being an immigrant from childhood, and having several passport stamps under my belt by the time I was six years old! I definitely accomplished meeting amazingly energetic and fearless women from all ends of the travel industry, and look forward to learning from (and traveling with) them going forward. My takeaway from this exercise was that networking is not about quantity. I had to get out of my shell a bit and take a deep breath, commit to having a conversation and engage. and don't be afraid to make "the ask" at the end, but also know when to walk away and wrap it up.

I also have a somewhat stubborn streak in me at times, when I do have my vision set, I want to see it come to fruition. Even if it means I embark upon a (crazy) long public bus-ride from Los Angeles to Laguna Beach! I do it for me, but I do it for you, too, so watch out for my next post on the getting there no matter what!

Friday, March 4, 2016

An Ode to My Grandfather, Charles S. Daniels, My First Storyteller



Good morning Facebook. Random thoughts popped into my head that must be shared.

1-Me at about 4 years old on Saturday and weekday mornings with my grandfather watching morning children's programming on PBS Channel 13, or Saturday morning cartoons (when they were good). He's in the kitchen frying bacon and eggs, with buttered toast and a large enamel mug of sweetened and creamed coffee that I will get just a few sips of. I was not in school yet, at this point, and distinctly remember everyone else in the house had already got up and left for their respective work and school, so it was just me and him those times.
2- A few years later, still with the Saturday morning cartoons. Around noon or 1pm, though, it was Grandad's turn to watch tv. The choice was either boxing on Spanish Language Channel 41 or 47 (Telemundo?), or whatever old rerun movie they were showing on Channel 7 (ABC) or 11(WPIX), which meant a lot of western movies, or Matlock. I would laugh when I watched Grandad's rapt attention to the small TV screen, feigning boxing himself, as we tried to decipher rapid-fire Spanish commentary.
3- We lived in The Bronx, and I was going to Brooklyn Technical High School. Any of you out there have a clue what kind of commute I endured for four years (in a two-fare zone, no less) will understand. It seemed like every month I found myself being excused from class to lay on a cot in the infirmary that first grueling day of my monthlies. My grandfather used to come from The Bronx and pick me up when I was too sick and delirious to go back to class. He went to the drugstore and bought my lady products.
4- Grandad was old and one year from dying of cancer at this point. But he was well and alert enough in 1999 to be a part of the family crew that escorted me to college way out in Southampton, Long Island. I have a picture of him with everybody else in the public quad area of my dormroom, outside the computer center, looking a little out of place, a shrinking dark-skinned black man whom I rarely saw smile. He was smiling and proud on that day.

2018 Update on his 101st birthday: In the midst of and beyond these specific events, Charles Daniels weaved a great yarn! He was a masterful storyteller, and kept meticulous notes that I find myself poring over as I work on a personal heritage project. It is because of him that I started remembering birthdates of my extended family, and tracing my lineage to four continents. Even when I wasn't certain whether I was hearing entire truth or embellishments of memory, I knew that I had a treasure trove of information from the stories my grandfather's oral and written traditions. My recent journey to Cyprus brought a lot of these thoughts back, and talking with my older cousin "Uncle" Walter D'Aguiar helped to fill in many gaps to the timelines.

The point of citing these distinct memories is that I want to promote and support the Men of Facebook that I know to emulate this kind of dedication and tenderness to their daughters, granddaughters nieces, step-children, any girl that you come across for a time, that you can influence with your authority, your love, your very presence. Aside from the 1st day of college, these were all fairly mundane days in my life, in his life. It rained, it snowed, he went to work, I woke up or went to school. But they will always be treasured memories for me. My grandfather had one daughter. I am her eldest of two. He had her over twenty years later in his life than my mother had me, so the age gap was pretty distinct in terms of parenting styles, but the values still stuck.

Credit where credit is due: this post was made possible by a particularly quiet and pleasant weekend morning, free from immediate pressing obligations and a full spirit. I attribute the manifestation of this from a Facebook status update to an actual blog post to two special ladies, however; my best friend @littlefootlady, and the awesome @Luvvie, for the gentle kicks in the pants!

~@Swaitespot

Thursday, February 25, 2016

Getting my WITS About Me: On Becoming A JourneyWoman

Reflections:

In keeping with my 2015 aim of tackling challenging tasks and reaching forth to grasp everything life has to offer, I booked my way to the 3rd annual Women In Travel Summit in Boston's Revere Hotel in March. This was a challenge for me, both in the financial arena as well as the logistical one.

I wanted to prove to myself that I could be my own travel agent; that I have the research savvy to connect accommodations and transportation schedules, in line with a planned event, in a way that maximized my comfort and enjoyment. What woman wants to be rushed and harried with scheduling conflicts, after all, on her way to a networking event focused on the empowerment of women through independent travel? I was determined not to be lost in the irony of bad planning (pun intended)!

The first task I set for myself was making my small budget work for the total event: meals, vendor purchases, the inevitable social club/bar meetup off-site with my new network friends. I figured whatever costs I incurred would be a tax write-off once I landed that lucrative travel-related job by the end of 2015, a veritable business-machine humming happily along.

I joined a travel writer/blogger group, Go Girl Travel Network (now relaunched as She's Wanderful), and secured a highly enviable discount as a bona fide member of Social Media. Now it was starting to feel real!

Although there was a strong pull to rush order some business cards in time for the conference, I decided to collect them instead and practice my virtual connections. I also wanted to gain some insights on the best way to rebrand myself, so I would not order them until I got those details figured out.

The most fun and rewarding out-of-the-box move I made was to join a book club not just to get more reading done, but as a networking medium for like-minded women travelers like myself. My first meeting with the New York Chapter of Go Girl Reads was held a mere two weeks before the conference,  and we tackled the groundbreaking autobiography by Cheryl Strayed, Wild. Strayed's book was a perfect ice breaker among the women in the book club, since we got to talk about not only our reactions to her amazing tale of determination, but also relate it back to what it means for us as women blazing our own trails.

As I anticipated would be part of the discussion at WITS, we discussed the practical logistics of being a biological woman in a less than ideal comfort zone, in transit. What does one do and use when she's menstruating, for example? What was an acceptable level of sociable connection while going solo, for safety, for preservation of one's mission and integrity?

Another poignant discussion point was the responsibility of being a Western-based female traveler. For me, this was interesting because there is a duality to my own perspective: I am of South as well as North America,  my worldview as a 1.5er very much influencing how I approach the road, and how I expect it to meet me. I am well aware of and learning so much more about the nuances of privilege from a traveler's context, so I strive to keep this sensitivity balanced as an advocate and writer.

Making connections in the reading group came naturally, since about four of us were going to the conference anyway. I made arrangements with on group member for a place to crash with her friends in Boston, and with another as part of her carpool. Eventually the carpool added a few other attendees, but the couch crash fell through. I dealt with it, and that led to my first Airbnb (stay tuned for another post about The Stranger's Couch).

In all of this planning and rearranging,  I learned what my sanity levels could withstand and how to face my travel anxieties. Knowledge is key for preparation, as is the willingness to try a different path than I've tried before. Results may not be guaranteed or predictable, but fueled by my desire to be less anxious and hesitant about stepping outside of my comfort zone, I've become a tad bit more social.

By osmosis, I've also developed more savvy with varying platforms of communication, the immediate benefit being way more connected to women that embody the fearless spirit to wander, seek truth and advocate positive power for and by women worldwide.

Perspective in travel is a valuable noun as well as adjective. I used to think that I could only call myself a traveler if I was leaving the United States. This thought process did not honestly attribute all of the wisdom imparted to me by my family and personal achievements, however. Yes, I did fly to Australia and study abroad for three months when I was 20 years old, but I also embarked on my first whirlwind bus-and-plane journey a year earlier, from New York to Atlanta to Toronto and back!

I appreciate Beth Santos and her team for the originality of such a network of independent and creative women, and look forward to pioneering new paths for women and young girls to go somewhere and do something meaningful!

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

On Going Home: A Pursuit of the Origins and Homecoming of Migratory Guyanese




I have always had a somewhat distant fascination with Guyana. The Co-operative Republic of Guyana (pronounced GUY- anna) turns 50 years old this year. As a New Yorker living in Brooklyn, this is no small bit of news. I was born in a nascent nation, merely out of its adolescence at the time of my birth. It is a unique experience for someone that has grown up in the United States for over 30 years, but I still identify as a #blackamazonian; this cannot be taken away from me. Republic Day is today, February 23rd, and there is cause for acknowledgement and reflection. What are we to celebrate, when it comes down to it?

Columbus allegedly stumbled upon this goldmine of a place as far back as 1498, and it changed hands with the Dutch, French and English throughout the next few centuries. A former British colony since 1831, Guyana abolished slavery in 1834, and gained independence from its last colonial masters in 1966, amidst a bloody and politically-fueled transition to power to the ruling class of Indo-Guyanese citizens. And yet, the "Land of Many Waters" has "One Destiny" as its motto. Guyana is a small country, currently with a population of approximately 751,000 within its borders, 231,000 of whom reside in the coastal capitol, Georgetown where its total geographic area is 70% rainforest. Guyana has several religions, dialects and languages, representing the myriad of Diasporas that make up its current population. Approximately 43-50% of Guyanese are of East Indian descent, 30% African descent, 9% Amerindian (Indigenous) descent, and the rest of a mixed heritage that includes Dutch, Portuguese and Chinese settlers. Yet, this beautiful country still divides itself predominantly along ethnic lines, as it pertains to the politics and, ultimately economic and social welfare management of its people. Let us not forget that I grew up in a nation that currently promotes the idea that "Third World" is a derogatory term, which grossly understates and simplifies the geo-specific reasoning behind non-aligned countries like Guyana opting to forge their own path to national greatness. Its funny how oxymora function. It is a constant push and pull.

My ever-growing question, asked of elders and the internet in an almost cyclical fashion, is: Does anyone want to go home? And now that the Golden Anniversary is here, will the tide change? Will the rivers and estuaries swell and flood the plains, signalling a reverse Drain? Will the people come back to open arms, with open minds (and mouths, and books, and bank accounts, etc.)? What is Guyana doing to draw the good folk back, and what do these good folk want of Guyana, if anything? I wonder if I am ready for Guyana being ready for me. I want to make strides, raise people up, wrest respectability from its lofty perch in political dichotomy and spread its entrails in the fertile soil to feed human rights works. I want to see clean water initiatives in the city and the the Interior; real textbooks with sound factual discourse and information for hungry minds (continue); better representation in social and popular media for all the Peoples of Guyana, as they hold stakes in mutual prosperity.

On the subject of taking flight, Thomas Chatteron Williams of the New York Times succinctly said, “It’s difficult to exaggerate the existential boon of shedding one’s victimhood”.

This post was originally going to be solely an exercise in defining expatriate versus immigrant, as it pertains to my own country-folk. My specific ancestry hails from at least four continents for sure, including an earlier North American trail via Louisiana. I am inherently borne of a people that migrated, left their piece of earth by force of hunger or chains, and dared and survived to converge at the deep rivers of Guyana, then once again, took flight to England, Canada, back to Louisiana,and to many scattered points on the eastern seaboard of the United States in the last two generations. I am an immigrant, a 1.5er, in a more specific definition, having been raised from childhood through the entire education hierarchy that New York has to offer. Unlike many that hold this title in the U.S., I am a legal citizen, and so is my immigrant parent. My mother came from Guyana by way of England, educated and a bit broad-sided by life "outside", as did every single one of her siblings, and several of her cousins. She arrived in New York as a young adult, her parents having emigrated to the North several years prior.

Merriam-Webster dictionary has on definition of expatriate as an intransitive verb: "to leave one's native country to live elsewhere; also: to renounce allegiance to one's native country". Sounds harsh. Akin to the exile and displacement  often defining the émigré. For other reasons, my relatives have been expatriates; in England and Canada for years, working hard under frigid conditions in their adopted lands, ever sacrificing for children left behind with relatives, while money was wired back for home, for future. Some of them did, in fact, leave rather young on scholarship or international grant, whisked away to status and educational achievement in the places the former ruler deemed fit for their brain, if not their corporeal existence.

Guyana waited, even if it did not prepare a red carpet, or evolve the progressive mindset ready to embrace the new and exciting, the challenging and revolutionary way to think and be that these youth brought packed in their suitcases. Many did not return, or felt that they could not. Many left under political and economic duress, seeking asylum or avoiding retribution from an often uneven application of the law for questionable crimes. Many sent for children to join them in the new world, years too late, sometimes, for the often tenuous relationship between parent and progeny. The home connection was forever altered, mythologized.

I wanted to really find out where all the Guyanese people went in the last two generations, how many of them have left, and where they're destined to go, as they melt into the infrastructure of other nations, while the verdant mountains and plentiful rivers become a mythical place we all once called "home". I try not to wax too poetic, as I barely clocked real living-wage hours there, but grew up with the discourse of the "Brain Drain Generation": my parents, their siblings and cousins, intellectual contemporaries, and political adversaries.

How does one reconcile the 50th anniversary of the independence of a nation where so many of its citizens have left? As of 2016, there could be as many as 2 million Guyanese Nationals living abroad in England, Canada, the United States and several other places worldwide. I have yet to find a satisfactory assessment of the real numbers.

In a quick fact-check, I learned that Guyana has one of the largest recorded "brain drains" at a staggering figure of 70% of its overall population, which essentially means a whole generation of citizens left the country en masse, seeking better fortunes, primarily through their tertiary education.  Some 36,000 Guyanese left between 1980 and 1991. In some cases, they left with the blessing of the Burnam Administration (up for debate, I'm sure) as national scholars, slated to return and share their expertise to fashion a prosperous and respectable nation of thinkers and doers. Between 1970 and 1985, however, the economic decline and resulting austerity measures were so severe, my mother recounts learning how to use rice flour as a frustrating substitute for wheat, which had no cultural precedent in Afro-Guyanese or even British-influenced cuisine in Guyana at the time. In 1988, the International Monetary Fund (IMF) prescribed a structural adjustment program (SAP) that did just that: sapped the vitality and value out of a developing if not sometimes obstinately outside-thinking nation. The Guyanese Dollar went from a rate of $10GUY:$1USD to $144:$1.  The available literature points fingers in several directions.

It is not up for debate that Guyana has been and is in debt. However, my query here is whether Guyanese are indebted to their ancestral home? How many Guyanese abroad share the songs of The Republic (or even the older British hymns, if they value the character development more than the imperialistic undertones)? Or do they write new songs with more indigenous rhythm, ready for debut this year at the celebrations?


I want to know the fun and exciting side of Guyana: the success of ecotourism that I know Guyana is primed to take advantage of; the geographic proximity to Brazil and all its inter-continental promise; possibilities of a nation where as of 2015, the median age was 25.4 years between men and women, and by 2014 estimates, there were five times more mobile phones that land lines. This tells me that Guyana is in a prime zone for young and mobile citizens, worthy of direct investment from within and abroad. And Guyana has palpable challenges to focus on.

Young women are, on average, a little more dedicated to formal education, yet are still dying at astonishing rates for lack of adequate maternal healthcare during pregnancy and childbirth. HIV and AIDS are rampant, and better access to contraception and simple information can reverse several of these trends that threaten to undercut another generation of human capital. An educated woman is an empowered woman, is a woman with purpose and drive and substance that forges powerful waves of progress. Shirley Chisholm, if I may, had a Guyanese father. But don't sleep on the backdam children, either. We need ALL of our people on this.

What I don't want to see is the place of my birth divvied up to the highest bidders, with continued land grabs from unscrupulous neighbors, and blatant lawlessness flourish in the form of government corruption, drug and human trafficking, and infrastructure decline.  I want to know the names of the plants and animals that make Guyana unique, and I want to share this with grateful friends and allies, researchers and Earth-activists bent on preserving the most precious parts of this planet.

Guyana is among the jewels, its people AND its land and waters. I do not want to see the natural bounty categorically dismissed and mistreated to the point of irreversible decay. This is not how a proud, progressive-led nation operates.

For the past seven years, I have turned back to thoughts about the land of my birth, and how I could make a difference: plant my feet and feel grounded, even as the red ants kiss their fiery welcome. I am a writer, a traveler, a #seldom_settled product of my several environments. I, too, want to come home, and I hope that home recognizes this prodigal daughter.

I am watching, in anticipation of cheaper flights (or a well-timed invitation); inspiring rhetoric and like many other young men and women of the 1980s diaspora, wanting more reason for coming home. Is there an inversion to the prodigal child? The repentant parent? Or is that a taboo subject, never granted equal scrutiny? It's not for current President Granger's lack of effort. For those that would travel to Guyana and see for themselves what is amiss and how they can participate, feel free to check this link out, as well as the Facebook page for Guyana Diaspora Project (GUYD). I welcome feedback and constructive dialogue on this necessary transition as we reflect on the road behind and the path that lies before us.

Image credit:
Map courtesy of www.worldatlas.com




Wednesday, January 27, 2016

The Year of #TheLeap: Self-care and Getting There

As my birthday month draws to a close, I realized that I need to step my game up with this Serious Writing Thing I keep going on and on about. One of my fears is coming out as a fraud, to myself and my peers. I must admit, I've done a lot of undocumented soul-searching when it comes to the direction of this blog and my future written forays. I vow to bring it strong.

One of my she-roes, Octavia E. Butler made it abundantly clear that she was going to do what she said. In a recently publicized journal, Ms. Butler wrote her desires down, her angled font seeming to highlight the anxiety yet stubborn vision that I feel embodies my own journey with this blog. The award-winning author of diasporically-inclusive speculative and science fiction surely made her mark in this world before her untimely death on 2006. 

2016 is a Leap Year. It also happens to be the year after my highly anxiety-ridden #JesusYear. For what it was worth, I feel as if I made a strong effort to power through many trials and tribulations, and have yet so much more to learn about my own strength and endurance in the face of so many compounded emotional and physical challenges.

Last year my back made her presence known, and she was a crotchety, cranky bitch half the time. She made me aware that I was getting out of shape, literally taking the shape of a perpetual question mark, and that I needed to pay more attention to my tendency to physically and mentally internalize stress.

The year that was 2015 certainly was a blaring reminder that if I did not take better care of my physical self, none of the personal and professionnal development I've been anguishing about would amount to much.

Well, turning this new page has been an exercise in force of will, countless prayers  and a stubborn vision of my own house on my own land in my own country (where did that come from?!).

In the style of the Kindred author, I state that this year I will Sing, Teach Write and Fly. Once again. As always! I will say yes more to opportunities that pass my way, however seemingly unorthodox, if it puts me on my path of travel and professional pursuit. I will make it back to my country of birth and celebrate 50 years of I dependence, and start the process to claim a swath as my rightful own. I will find solid writing gigs that showcase my talent as well as give voice to images and thoughts long held inside. I will confront my fears and discomforts. I will get back into shape, and bring so many other along with me.

Ready to ride, dear reader? Get on this horse.